Last Sunday I told you about my kitten Murray and his battle against FIP. He was doing so well this past week. I picked up some medications for him - steroids and anti-nausea pills - and he was taking them and eating his kitten food like a champ. Sure, I had to feed him with a fork but I was prepared to do whatever it took to help him get his strength back! (Brian thought I was crazy but I thought it was pretty awesome that I had a cat eating from a fork!)
Murray was much less confused, more social, and was moving around easier. His fur was shinier and his eyes were brighter. Although I wasn't hopeful he was going to beat the disease, I was still optimistic that he was going to be with us for a while. On Wednesday he ate 3 cans of food and was better than ever. The whole situation was nothing short of a miracle.
We sat together on the kitchen floor until we were both asleep. I cuddled with him - still in my coat and scarf - for 2 hours until Brian came home. Murray was just so tired and seemed to be getting more and more tired by the minute. He could barely lift his head and needed us to carry him. I was afraid to leave him when I went to bed, worried he wouldn't make it through the night. We gave him a special cushion to sleep on by the vent where he could stay comfortable and warm.
He was waiting there for me in the morning. I tried to give him some food but I knew it was useless. He was so uncomfortable even just sitting. I knew I couldn't leave him even for the morning so I got a substitute for the day, ran in to work to leave plans, and got back home as soon as I could to be with Murray until the vet opened.
My mom came over and drove me there so I could hold Murray instead of put him in the carrier. It's never easy to have to put a pet to sleep but I knew it was the right decision to make. Murray let me know it was time and the vet we saw reaffirmed my decision. It wasn't Murray's usual vet, Dr. Walker, but it was the doctor who saw Murray on the day I got him (and she'd been kept up-to-date on his progress by Dr. Walker). She knew this wasn't the same lively, talkative cat she met that day. Nor was it the same cat who was doing somersaults in his cage just hours after having surgery! It wouldn't have been fair to let Murray continue to suffer as he had been.
I miss Murray so much. Friday was such a sad day. Having to put him to sleep and then coming home to a house without him was really difficult. Saturday was almost as hard but today was a little easier. My other cat, Zoe, has been doing her best to comfort me. She's a good girl. And as much as she likes being an only-cat, I think she misses Murray, at least a little bit (but she'll never admit it!).
I've been so focused on taking care of Murray for the past few weeks - feeding him, giving him medicine, taking him to the vet, spending time with him because I didn't know how much I'd time he'd have left - that I've really neglected myself. I haven't been eating right or working out nearly enough and I really feel crappy because of it. So yesterday I went to boot camp and today I went out for a 3+ mile run. Both felt really great. I really poured all my time and energy into caring for Murray but now it's time to refocus some of my energy back into caring for myself.
Thank you to everyone for the prayers and kind thoughts for Murray. Although we only had him for a short time, I wouldn't have done anything differently had I known he had FIP from the get-go. We gave him a happy home and he brought us such happiness in return.
|Squirrel Murray (the costume was a little big for him)|