As I stepped outside for my run yesterday morning, my head was full of anxiety. I was nervous. My stomach was in knots. This wasn't race day, so what was the big deal?
I had to do 8 miles, my longest run since October. I was excited about the distance but nervous because I hadn't run more than 5 on my own since I'd started running again post-PRP. I've run 20 miles solo so why did 8 seem so daunting? I guess I've gotten used to running with people in the past 6 weeks - Brian, RUNdetroit group run, Detroit Tough Endurance friends. Sure I've run by myself a few times but not 8 miles.
I was also off my routine, having eaten breakfast and drank coffee pre-run instead of the usual post-run Starbucks stop. Was that causing the knots? Should I wait to run while it settles?
What I didn't really want to admit was that the biggest source of my anxiety was actually fear. Coach Terra wanted me to run 8:00-8:15/mile pace and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. I was afraid I wouldn't have the endurance to keep that pace for 8 miles. Maybe I'd be huffing and puffing or my hamstring would start to hurt. I might completely run out of gas and say, "Screw this!" I might trip and fall, something that happens more than I'd like to admit. Basically any scenario possible went through my head. Remember, I hadn't run 8 miles since October. Anything could happen.
Yes, anything could happen. Thankfully it was a beautiful sunny morning. I put on my brightest shoes, one of my favorite shirts, and my sunglasses. I'd made a special Spring playlist just for the run. I turned that on, started my Garmin, and I was off. I easily slipped into my planned pace and I felt at peace. I ended up having the best run I'd had in a long time.
Before leaving the house I'd felt a little crabby because I'd been so worried about the run. I hadn't wanted to fail. I'd been afraid to fail. I just needed to have a little more faith. Faith in myself and faith in Coach Terra's plan. She wouldn't ask me to do something I'm not ready to do.
Face your fears. Run at them head on. Again and again and again.